The Audacity to Ask
I pissed a Christian woman off, and I'm not sorry.
A few weeks ago I launched a GoFundMe campaign. It inspired many, but triggered a few. Since today is “pay day” for most people who work a traditional job, I thought I’d take the opportunity to talk about money, the concept of currency, and the laws of reciprocity.
Prior to launching the GoFundMe I received an SOS message from a friend. Her safety was at risk, and she informed me that I was only one of two people on the planet who knew her whereabouts. I went straight into support mode. I listened deeply, held strong confidential space, and offered guidance where it felt appropriate. Within two hours of receiving that message, another one came through. Then the next morning, another. The second and third messages were not as high stakes, but they did require my deep listening, empathy, time and skills to be put into action.
In short, I was working.
To be fair, I would do anything for the people I love. And I, myself, have been the beneficiary of this kind of SOS support over the years. However, as someone trained as a clinical psychotherapist, with extensive additional training in energy healing, embodiment practices, and birth doula work, I am often the go-to as the first line of resourcing for many people in my community. They don’t sign up for a session. They don’t buy my book. They simply pick up the phone and ask to be supported. Audacious.
Do we do that to doctors, lawyers, or even plumbers without expecting to be billed for their services?
In a different time and place I would’ve been the village medicine woman. In this role the village would ensure all my basic needs were met. I’d provide healing, and in turn be provided food, shelter, and spiritual tools for my personal resourcing. I wouldn’t have to worry about whether I needed to choose between a paying client or a dear friend in need. They would all be given access to my support skills, and I would be given access to what I needed to survive, and thrive.
In today’s society, however, I cannot function without money. Money is the currency we use to survive in a capitalistic system. I can be angry about that, or I can honor it. Living most of my life on a “starving artist” budget, however, I’ve frankly been angry about it. But something in me snapped when I received the SOS messages a few weeks ago. I was tired of being angry about living in a world where my value isn’t as rewarded as tech bros. Instead, the SOS calls were the fuel to step into my value, request reciprocity, and start asking for what I really needed-money-so I could keep doing what I was put on this planet to do:
Healing.
The truth is, many people who reach out to me on social media or privately don’t have the money to pay me. If they did, they would. I get it, I’ve been there, too. But just because we’ve all been in tight places doesn’t mean we have to stay in them.
Currency, just like currents of water, is meant to flow. To withhold currency distorts the energy of it, and therefore, its purpose. There are obvious forms of distortion, like the Elons and Jeff Bezos of the world. But there’s also the distortion of people who genuinely have resources, yet refuse to spend or distribute them for fear of “not having enough.” Meanwhile, we’ve all met “poor” people who would literally give you their last dime, slice of bread, or shirt off their backs if you needed it. They are undoubtedly the wealthy ones of the world. Yet, it is they, who often cannot afford the healing (medical, emotional, or spiritual) they need, especially when they need it the most.
So, I launched a GoFundMe called, the “I’ve Got You Fund.” This fund is meant to act as a long-term scholarship fund so I can proactively reach out to people in my community and offer them healing sessions or in depth mentorships with me. It also serves as a fund for me to dip into when I get the sudden SOS call like I did three weeks ago, and can feel resourced in taking the call.
I’ve already been able to serve two people in need with resources from this fund. I’m incredibly grateful to those who have donated both publicly, and privately, to make this possible. I have a growing list of people who I look forward to offering support to, and it brings me much joy to think about calling them to say, “Hey, I know you’re really going through something hard right now, and I want you to know I’ve got you.”
The day after I announced the launch of this GoFundMe I received a private message on Instagram from a follower who stated, “It would be more Christian of you to donate your time.”
[This,] not money itself, was genuinely something for me to be angry about. I was angry for two reasons. Firstly, this ‘suggestion’ was coming from a woman. I could understand a man cutting me down, but another woman? No. Additionally, I’m pretty sure the act of tithing is a core Christian tenant. Christians literally believe in donating money, or in other words, circulating the flow of currency, to support places, spaces, and people that support them.
Now, I’m not here to comment on how those resources actually get used in modern day corrupt religious systems, but I am here to point out the hypocrisy of this one woman’s comment.
I don’t know the financial status of this woman. Perhaps she’s being funded by a wealthy husband, trust fund, high salary, or other means. But what I do know, is that me, a woman, asking for what I needed, triggered her. And that’s the bigger issue.
Women are not raised to ask for what we need. We are raised to put other people’s needs before our own. We get praised for this martyrdom. We are socially rewarded for putting other people first. We get paid less than men to do it. And we also bare the direct consequences of it. Nearly 80% of diagnosed autoimmune disorders are women. When women are trained to silence their needs, the body will find a way to get their needs met instead. When faced with illness, women often finally receive the care, attention and resources that they wouldn’t have in an otherwise healthy state. Now, there is great nuance to this conversation, of course, but the point is, we are at a critical tipping point. If women do not ask for what we need, we won’t get it. (No matter how far you think we’ve come in the gender equity movement.)
The fact that I asked my village to donate money, so I could provide my work to those in need, will always trigger a woman who hasn’t cultivated enough self-worth or self-love to know she’s worthy of asking for the same. Instead of asking for what she needs, be it financial or otherwise, she will project her self-hatred and low self-esteem onto a woman like me and shout, “how dare you!”
And the truth is, how dare I not?!
Money is the number one barrier to people achieving their dreams or stepping into their purpose. I’ll be damned if it continues to be mine. I’m here to serve, and I’m here to serve BIG. [That] requires resources, my friends. So, I am asking.
Maybe via social media it looks like I have a certain level of resources that I don’t actually have. But the truth is, I’m an artist. I’ve learned to live an abundant life on very little money. If you’re also an artist, you understand this intimately. We are forced to think outside of the box in order to survive, because the world values what we provide, but it doesn’t believe in paying us for it. I typically live on $2k a month…or less. If you wonder how I travel the world on that small of a budget reach out. I’ll give you all my tips and tricks. Would more money be helpful, however? Absolutely. Which is why I’m asking for it. Not so I can travel (I’ve already got that part figured out.) I’m asking for it so I can be a “good Christian” and serve more people in need, without continually putting myself at an energetic or financial deficit in order to do so.
Imagine what the world would look like if we paid women. Like really paid them. Paid them what we pay men. Imagine if the midwives, doulas, nannies, teachers and other caregiving roles were paid the way mediocre men in middle management were paid? “Women’s work,” is work that centers care. We cannot live if we are not cared for. Our spirits die and so do our bodies.
So, I will keep asking for what I need, and I will encourage you to do the same.
Receiving what we need isn’t selfish; it’s actually a sign of health. And we need all the healthy people we can get right now, if we’re going to make it through our collective challenges. True health-mind, body, and soul-is the real revolution. And as they say, “Your health is wealth!”…but it turns out we have to have money to pay for the care that keeps that health flowing.
I’d rather direct that money out of the hands of Big Pharma, and into the hands of women around the world who are actually providing real care. So, if you feel called to donate to my scholarship fund (or to another amazing woman doing brilliant work) I’d be incredibly grateful. May the money you donate come back to you tenfold. May it continue to circulate and flow into the hands of those in need. May it serve to support a healthier, more whole world.
To make your tax deductible contribution click here.
In gratitude,
Sarah
